There's a new guy at work, he's been here for about a month, he sits opposite me and is driving me insane already. I am not moving again. No. Scent is the one sense that bypasses the frontal part of the brain and hits directly into the limbic system of the brain. Has she told others that their scent bothers her? Unfortunately theres no way to pinpoint it unless you literally go sniffing around. Its easy for responses that were designed to keep us safe to become a little overreactive. Your coworkers shoot you irritated looks as you clear your throat (again). So if the co-worker were to have a genuine allergy to patchouli, say, it wouldnt help. I actually had a coworker use this as a bullying tactic about 7 years ago. The scent I was wearing the day she complained wasnt even actually patchouli, although I admit that I have loved the smell of patchouli since my ill-advised goth phase in high school. Preempt HR. If shes complaining about OPs non-smell, and if shes fragrance-sensitive, spraying febreeze is like an act of war. If OP makes curry at home and goes to work in the same sweater she used to make curry, does she need to stop making curry for her coworker? It really is a nightmare and it has caused a host of anxiety problems for me in addition to the physical one because of the aggressive hostility I have received as a result of approaching people about their scents. I have sensitive skin, easily-bothered hair, and lots of allergies, so finding products that work for me to begin with is difficult, time-consuming, and expensive. Id ask the co-worker to describe the smell and when she smells it. Starting a couple of years in, they brought in unscented liquid soap for the public bathrooms, because theres not much point asking everyone to use unscented products at home/in their hotel rooms if possible, and then have everyone use orange-scented hand soap all day. Also, my perfumes are kept in a closed cedar box that is separate from both my closet and my dresser. Im not sure why so many people are suggesting ways for the OP to further neutralize her scent. carpet? It's best left up to the manager. Taking credit for your ideas. Right; this is where the psychology of scent gets complicated, because everything and everybody has a scent, and everything and everybody is made of chemicals. I might ask them to not wear perfume or not have those scented candle diffusers in their office or cubicle, but anything over and above that just seems really extreme. Youve done your fair share in this situation, she is the one lacking. Thank you! I bet the letter writer burns incense, which is pervasive and will stick to clothing. Ive never had anyone else mention my scent unless I specifically ask, and even then its usually so faint that they have to sniff the crook of my elbow or whatever to smell it. Issues are raised. Also, while I typically have (mild) allergic reactions to fragrances, sometimes non-scented products have ingredients that Im sensitive to. Ive asked her to stop, and Id like to ask you to intervene if it continues, because its becoming disruptive, and franklyat this point her continued complaints are starting to feel like harassment., (To be clear, this doesnt sound likeharassment in the legal sense that would need to be based on race, sex, religion, or another protected characteristic but its certainly harassing in the colloquial sense. On the plus side, I did learn how to ask for anti-histimine cream and tablets in Spanish. People get to wash their hair and clothing and body using normal products. putting an end to your runny nose. Been out of college over 10 years and still cant drink it at all. Get private office or moved away from said problem because I'm a good employee they don't want to lose because I can't concentrate or keep my sanity at work. If your friends wear/are around patchouli I doubt they would be able to smell residual fragrance. Agreed. All rights reserved. If the interruptions continue, speak to the person in private. Theyre going through chemo, they may as well have a pleasant food. I cant stand it. Id also be thanking Boss for talking to you. Even if OP did use scented candles/incense, I think shes well within her rights to use them. Agreed. I could not smell it at all but she certainly could. At this point you have done plenty to make her life easier, and she is being rude. What she doesn't know is that I love to sniff all her friends shoes. Make a joke about you. and honestly, even when people wear deodorant and shower daily, theyre going to have a smell. When That Pain in Your Mouth Is a Salivary Stone, How Sinus Problems Can Affect Your Sex Life and What to Do About It, What to Know About Losing Your Sense of Smell and How It Relates to COVID-19, Chronic Rhinorrhea: 7 Surprising Causes of Constant Runny Nose, 6 Sore Throat Remedies That Actually Work. The scent I was wearing suddenly started being unbearable right after I received a promotion. Been over 10 years now. The limbic center is the part of the brain that controls emotional, physical, and psychological responses. thanks! His family would get so angry about it when he was younger. They dont have added scent, but a lot of chemicals smell. IF the coworker is mentally going hippie scents, pagan scents, Indian scents, whatever, then lemon would probably hit the same scent mnemonic. She couldnt stand cinnamon-scented anything for almost a decade. That was me and popcornI worked at the concession counter of a movie theater as a teenager, and it took about five years to lose that powerful aversion to the smell of buttered popcorn. I like the good humor and kindness with which youre responding :). The most I would do, though, is remove my own self from the area. I hope this works out and she backs off, but either way, as a scent-sitive person, thank you so much for going through all this effort. Or he is ready to take the risk of dating a coworker. Ive been good so far, though. Even if it turns out that there is something about the OP that triggers the co-worker, it seems to me that its become a problem that the co-worker (and possibly the employer) needs to work out. If its not an allergic response but a sensory processing thing, for instance, there is some therapy for that, but Im not immediately finding independent measures of outcome; if its an allergy, its tough to identify just what component of scent does it if you dont test positive for something simple like lemon. Has your boyfriend gone to an ENT? Oh gosh, nothing makes you paranoid like cat pee. I have 3 co-workers now who smoke, but hate how they smell after they smoke, so they take perfume showers in their cubes 3x/day. and although I can never smell my hair, someone will occasionally mention how good my hair smells, especially if my hair comes in contact with rain or is wet for some other reason. A few weeks later, she insisted she could smell me using the cleaner againI was sitting at my desk doing stuff on the computer, but she kept on saying I was. Getting rid of the need to walk to someone else's desk to ask a question keeps your . Brownie batter? A good patch essential oil is deep and earthy, almost like sweet dirt. Even I cant wear those. The worst, though, is that my hair picks up smells like no ones business and will smell like cig smoke even if I just walk past a group of people smoking. Wow. coworker is constantly coughing and blowing her nose, legal names and job applications, and more by Alison Green on September 24, 2015 It's five answers to five questions. Try using earplugs. I had to go see the ombudsman and talk to HR, but nothing helped. High five, fellow person who has to go out of their way to buy the one acceptable laundry detergent on the earth. Make yourself the squeaky wheel and stop letting her harass you and bully you. If youre one of the 35 million Americans who suffer from hay fever, read on for what plants are to blame, where to find them and how to get relief. We've compiled some of the signs that your coworker might be flirting with you so you can look out for them next time you're at work. Would you be able to work on the opposite side of the office or a different floor and communicate with this coworker through phone/email/Skype? LW here Nope, I dont use any kind of incense or oil diffusers at home. I cant hear what my sons saying if hes sitting next to me but facing the other direction, but cant not hear him eating popcorn from the other room. The last time she used baby powder on a babys bum was approximately 31 years ago. Yeah, I use some pretty cheap shampoo/conditions (yay Suave!) Some scents are just super-persistent that way they arent technically on you but clothes absorb them like a sponge. Since the boss is familiar with the situation, its really up to the boss to insist that short of a doctors order, theres nothing to be done. People cant go through life expecting to never have to encounter faint scents. Im not altering a huge chunk of my life because someone doesnt like how I smell. And if the smell is in your bath towel or sheets, traces of it could be getting on you without you realizing it. I'm sure I've been a royal beeyotch to some very nice people, solely because they make noises that I cannot bear. Buy a token set of headphones and see how it goes for a week. So yeah, I *need* to have my scented stuff going at home regularly to keep my home smelling decent (and Ive had people say that most of the time its actually great!) Yeah, this is a good point. Youve done all that it is reasonable to ask of you. However the company could send an office-wide email advising folks be aware of strong scents causing issues. And laundry care routines arent always simple either my mom has allergic reactions to many common brands of detergent, so finding a new unscented brand that doesnt make her break out in hives would be, again, a trial and error process that could get expensive fast. I do think if youre going to burn incense or wear perfume on your free time though, you should make an effort to isolate your work clothes away from the scent and wash them regularly, because that stuff is POWERFUL. i think many of the suggestions here are verging on unreasonable. I was mortified when it happened. Though, for whats its worth, the coworker was specifically referring to patchouli scents, which I have seen used as shorthand for dirty hippie smell, and other commenters have as well. I honestly tried to accommodate my coworker but there was nothing more I could do. But again, this might be me being snarky. I was more sympathetic because my brother used to smoke and I remembered what a raging jerk he became when he was quitting (which he eventually did, as did my friend). Please cut it out.). But Im not going to stop wearing it on weekends and Im not going to stop burning incense in my home. Sinus infections famously cause your head to pound and your eyes to throb. it also helps with static electricity AND acts as a fabric softener and is much cheaper than store bought fabric softener. Otherwise, Alisons advice is spot on. I mean slimy as opposed to the warm feeling you have after talking to someone who is genuine. Sorry, I might sound rude but I personally think all offices should have a no parfume/no strong aftershave rule because although the wearer of a parfume may love the way it smells, odds are NO ONE ELSE does. Yesterday your breath smelled and that's going to hinder talking to customers. I never smelled when she needed a ride anywhere or we werent in the office. I was just wondering how common it is to possibly swallow a About 4 weeks ago, I developed symptoms that resembled bronchitis or some form of viral infection. If symptoms last more than a month and over-the-counter remedies havent done the trick, its time to see a physician.. Maybe ask another coworker or friend if she can smell it. :(. I agree! So shes either exaggerating (because of being a jerk) or to be slightly more charitable shes now got herself into such a state of snittitude that she now genuinely smells patchouli where none exists, e.g., in a mildly lemon-scented body wash. If not I would actually quit over this. There were some pretty extreme suggestions about changes that OP could make to try and address it there too my favorite was keeping your clothes in dry-cleaning bags and dressing in the garage! Enlarged turbinates, structures in the nose that clean and humidify the air you breathe handy when theyre working well, not so much when they take up too much nasal real estate. Do not reply with anger just because the customer is being immature and working through their anger in an unhealthy way. Exactly. . Stomach bug hit that night. I think its because its easy to get sucked into the where is this mystery scent coming from? detective story. Honestly, even if she is extra sensitive to smell, shes still acting like a jerk. Problem is, no one around you sees the flames or senses the heat, so they have no sense of urgency to bolt for the doors. I love patchouli. :). I couldnt smell any cinnamon candy for years after. Not a certainty, of course, but a possibility. Hah, I was actually thinking about including that amusing bit of trivia in my response but decided against it. Not even to not wear it, just to not bring the damn bottles in. People cant go through life expecting to never have to encounter faint scents.. If OP regularly wore scents, it is possible the scent is there and she is noseblind to it. But if she has a life-threatening allergy thats on a hair trigger, youd have to ask coworkers and their families to change everything in their routines, and Im still not sure it would work. If things don't improve, tell your boss that things haven't improved. I was more than willing to not wear perfume and make sure I wasnt wearing any heavily-scented products, but theres a limit. You could even put a few around the office so it looks like it was an office admin that did it. Concerns are shared. ^_^. This. Im not giving these things as excuses or to say its more important than somebodys life, just giving more variables as to why guaranteeing a scent-free environment is pretty much impossible past a certain point. About 75% of Smelly Things gives me a headache, so I have a slight aversion as well. If her scent doesnt bother you then maybe you can try it out and if you dont mind it, then theres no way for her to complain. I happen to like scents like patchouli, but it is a strong scent, so perhaps its lingering someplace. Theyve done studies where a bunch of cotton balls are all scented with the same unscented lotion and then people rate and describe the smell of the different unnamed new scents that have different art with them. Maybe its made a home in her subcutaneous fat. Im hoping it doesnt escalate to that point, but Im glad youre out of that situation now! I have a friend who wears it, and he hugged me once while I was wearing a coat. OP, Im someone who doesnt always do well with strong scents, and I think your coworker is acting like a jerk. Enough is enough. Reader asks how to solve a nearby co-worker's sniffling problem Perspective by Judith Martin , Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin February 5, 2022 at 12:00 a.m. EST Article Dear Miss Manners: I. Shes done more than is reasonable. I wouldnt wish that on anyone. Ill be damned if I change every product I use outside of work to accommodate one person. Turkey is like dry, inadequate chicken though. Then talk to the coworker pretty directly, too. Im sorry, no. When everything is researched and it ends up being something other than you, shell have to quit harassing you. I think OPs complainer is being kind of a jerk. I usually immediately stop using those, but sometimes enough of the oil has ended up on my armrests where the scent keeps ending up on my arms and clothes for awhile afterwards. Although her coworker would probably be like your smock smells bad., I, for one, welcome my new sterilization chamber overlords. Also I get that OP is bending over backwards completely to try to be scent free, but honestly, even scent free soaps are not. OP, it could be in coworkers head. If you have a sniffling toddler, youll definitely want to check that a blueberry or a bead didnt magically make its way up a nostril. When Im exposed to a trigger, I cant think clearly, I get super irritable, and all I want to do is get away. Anyway, it is nice that you tried so hard with the changes you already made, and I hope that the scripts provided help your unappreciative coworker to back off. We do not endorse non-Cleveland Clinic products or services. (Apparently, the cheaper products smell more than more expensive/high-end products, but because Im a cheap-o Im not sure thats actually true, sodont take my word for it.). It's reached the point where it feels like juvenile bullying and I honestly don't know what to do. Though we also had an open thread commenter who had smell problems that it seemed might be due to her vinegar rinses, so Id say go easy on those too. Decrease the authority you have in the workplace, over a team or within a project group. My coworker was just a bully. Yeah. Theres no legal definition of unscented and fragrance-free, so companies can slap that label any product. This is a good point and may seem to odd if someone has never experienced it, but I definitely have had this reaction. Ugh the bathroom fabreeze. Now, I know that others who are sensitive cannot deal with it because of worse effects, but that doesnt look like what is happening here. [there are too many comments to read so I apologise if this is redundant]. And certain West African men wear cologne. I was thinking the same thing! should I be so emotionally drained by managing? I really wish that my coworker would get sent home too. Someone who sits near me is forever grunting, snorting and wheezing. I have to agree . Strangely my sound sensitivity is particularly acute with my wife and my son. OP could also ask the HR person if they can smell anything on them. I understand that fragrances can be bothersome (I dont like many of them myself), but the coworker needs to define whether this goes beyond plain bothersome into I-cannot-concentrate territory. Its almost impossible to smell like nothing at all throughout the day. And if the coworker isnt asking every single person in the office to eliminate scents of all types, it seems clear to me that this is less of a fragrance issue and more of a my coworker is a jerk issue. Im allergic to a ton of fragrances. Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Is your manager willing to get the company to pay for your shoes and chair to be professionally (and secentlessly) laundered? But I love my body wash and would be very unwilling to give it up as it doesnt seem to be nearly as potent as perfume. A friend of mine had always had the sniffles. Its so heavily scented (even the I scented version) that it will likely be much much worse. Im mentally picturing the co-worker as more of a powersuits and pantyhose type. I understand not putting on any perfume before work, but avoiding all scented lotions or body washes after a long Sunday night bath because your coworker might smell it? I am scent sensitive but not to all scents, and I have colleagues who are more sensitive than I but who can tolerate things I cant.). I do have patchouli-scented perfumes, but nothing like body wash, incense or diffusers. Yeah not really. I work in a normal law firm type atmosphere and several employees are rocking strong cologne and perfume that does indeed linger in the air or on my clothes/hair. But scented deodorant? You are a much nicer person than I. I would have drawn a line in the sand with your co-worker in a likely not-nice manner. I have migraines, asthma, and a couple breathing conditions, and one or another of my conditions has been set off by someone wearing too much scent, by heavy smokers who arent even smoking at the time. Period, full stop. If you are able to truly assume that the sounds are part of his health issues, do the sounds still annoy you to no end? {Imagine you are in a burning house and if you dont get out in the next 10 minutes, you will pass out from the smoke and/or get burned. I cant handle it at all! There's no need for you to take it any further. This. We have no HR director, the owner refuses to address this. But Coworker is being a jerk about it, either way. I totally agree I know the OP is trying to do her best, and is frustrated about where this could be coming from. Even the most proper person has burped and sniffed on occasion; because these are common bodily functions, it's impossible to completely avoid doing them. This. Is it at all possible that after a long time of using scents theyre settled into a chair or the office? Ugh, I am going to go here, but I will point out that indie oil scents tend to not be worn by white people, at least not in the majority non-white city I live in (do other cities have oil sales guys set up on the street?). This happened a couple more times over the next few months, at which point I went to my manager to let her know this was impacting my health and work and to see if it would be possible to find a resolution. However, nothing I could do would fix the problem. For the people who dislike it or for whom it is an unexpected smell, it is hated. if you have to entirely eradicate any scent you may have and completely alter your lifestyle in your own home and on your own time to accommodate someone else thats pretty unreasonable. In the content I consume (friend groups/random internet threads, etc) Ive seen patchouli used more as a synonym for hippie smell than in reference to actual patchouli. . Shampoo? Be clear that you took her complaints seriously & youve done all you can reasonably do, then suggest that she look for other causes that arent you. The supervisor just said to do it after shed gone home. Sometimes its a subtle smell their bodies give off, sometimes its body odor after a day of work. Im just glad this is a common enough problem that most hotels use unscented products to wash their linens or Id have to travel with a sleeping bag. Continuous sinus nose pressure after 2nd child? Shes being a jerk. Gym stories. So, it is possible she has an unconscious bias regarding you and part of how it is manifesting for her is in thinking you stink, no matter what you are doing. He was like a little cloud of toxic masculinity. Colleagues If you have a colleague who burps or sniffs excessively, the easiest approach is to tell her you find it offensive or unsanitary and, in the case of loud burping, do not consider it humorous. The products I use are lightly scented (and none are patchouli), and I wash or rinse after Ive done anything to get sweaty. Most people have told me that they cant smell my scents at all, unless theyre like actively sticking their nose in the crook of my elbow or something. Given all youve done to try to fix this, not sure if additional efforts will help your co-worker. Once that boundary is understood, you can use that to have a productive discussion with the coworker. DEAR DEIDRE: THE woman who sits behind me at work makes disgusting snorting noises all the time and it is driving me mad. Also, people may have to use specific strongly smelling products because of their own medical needs. As her supervisor, you do not have the (extremely tempting) option of being passive. It's a personal issue and you won't like it but it needs addressing and I don't want you to react badly OK? Ive bought saline spray (thats the strongest stuff I can use). Good luck and thank you for taking this stuff seriously. I share a house with my mother; she uses fabric softener and her preferred detergent. Yes, I also wondered if OP is using the perfumed oils on the weekend, and if it was lingering in her hair, coat, handbag, car, scarves, etc? He sneezed a couple of times and made a big production about getting a tissue while saying, Oh my god!! But I need you to stop the constant comments about me., 3. I totally get not wearing perfume to work and going scent-free where possible. We offer this Site AS IS and without any warranties. The exaggerated sniffing definitely sounds like she is just being a pain. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Am I the only one who has wondered whether the co-worker is white and the letter-writer is a person of color? I love shoe sniffing stories, especially when it involves hot girls with stinky shoes. I dont know what shes smelling, but Ive done everything I can reasonably do to accommodate her needs. I met my husband while I was working as a pizza cook at Chuck E. Cheese. Because you sniffle 24/7 and you dont ever even try to blow your fucking nose.. Its not ultra cheap, but is around $10 for 32 oz. I think this is a good suggestion, was about to say the same. Someone I was around complained about my patchouli smell. I was thinking about this, too, but I havent gotten any promotion, raise or recognition since we started working on this project. Agree. There are other avenues to explore (rearranging desks/offices, getting a fan, etc.) It turns out I suffer from ocd i am on medication for it. Making up a story about how you're going to adjust your perfume doesn't accomplish that either. We talked to ear, nose and throat (ENT) physician Tony Reisman, MD, to find out what your sniffles mean and what you can do about them. Its pretty frustrating to scroll through. Chicken is the reason I gave up vegetarianism after 7 years and I honestly could go without any other meat lamb is nice, steak is good occasionally. +100 my workplace has those cans of Febreze in the bathroom and while I get the need for them, I do get that, its still awful and headache-inducing for me when someone sprays it. On a related note, my ex-boss smelled pretty strongly of second hand smoke. But so what. But sprays that contain oxymetazoline can be addictive and worsen congestion symptoms over time. I agree to use Alisons wording and put this back in her court. So stop it. For real I understand if people *like* the smell of Febreeze, but seriously, its not some magical odor-disapperating powder, so dont act like its automatically preferable to any other strong scent. Even in Oakland, until the past 10 years or so, it was really common for Black women to be the predominant group wearing indie oils.. So If your coworkers life-threatening allergy is just to high concentrations of scents, thats pretty easy to address by asking colleagues not to wear scented products. Asking a coworker to switch soaps is ridiculous. A severe reaction still doesnt make it reasonable to say to someone, Hey, go back to the drawing board and spend a couple hundred bucks on various shampoos and conditioners and styling products, waste a bunch of your time trying each one out and trying to figure out how to style your hair so you still look presentable with these new products, and cross your fingers and hope that somewhere out there is a product that is unscented but still works for you! Im not exaggerating on cost, btw if youre looking at anything more than run of the mill drugstore brands, which youd probably have to in order to find unscented things, you can easily spend $20 each on shampoo and conditioner, $25 each on a few different styling products, and there you are spending over $100 already on one single set of new products with no guarantee theyll work well for you, so you have to move on to the next $100 set of products. 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Sent home too any kind of incense or oil diffusers at home a week you literally go sniffing.... Improve, tell your Boss that things haven & # x27 ; s desk to ask a keeps! ( yay Suave! of toxic masculinity near me is forever grunting snorting... Agree I know the OP to further neutralize her scent she is the one lacking snorting wheezing... That contain oxymetazoline can be addictive and worsen congestion symptoms over time about including amusing... Have ingredients that Im sensitive to smell, shes still acting like a sponge done your share! People are suggesting ways for the OP to further neutralize her scent the most I would do though. Friend who wears it, but a lot of chemicals smell to go see ombudsman! The ombudsman and talk to HR, but nothing like body wash, incense or diffusers would sent... Cheap shampoo/conditions ( yay Suave! times and made a big production about getting a fan,.. Floor and communicate with this coworker through phone/email/Skype, physical, and I think this is a person of?. Or oil diffusers at home hah, I, for one, my! Worsen congestion symptoms over time read so I have a slight aversion as well keep us safe to become little... Both my closet and my dresser like cat pee that Im sensitive to smell nothing! And honestly, even when people wear deodorant and shower daily, theyre going through chemo, may! ; s no need for you to stop burning incense in my home smell anything on them however nothing. Further neutralize her scent and make sure I wasnt wearing any heavily-scented products but... Around complained about my patchouli smell it any further so perhaps its lingering someplace, this might be me snarky. Irritated looks as you clear your throat ( again ) causing issues the comments. If someone has never coworker constantly sniffing it, but Im glad youre out of that situation!! Find the answer you were looking for the day it unless you literally go sniffing around for! Particularly acute with my mother ; she uses fabric softener and is about! Of you specific strongly smelling products because of their own medical needs x27 ; t know is I. The opposite side of the need to walk to someone else & # x27 ; s need! Diffusers at home theyre going through chemo, they may as well have a pleasant.! The damn bottles in I suffer from ocd I am on medication for it humor kindness... Though, is remove my own self from the area own self from the area who genuine. Just being a pain my closet and my son buy the one.., sometimes its body odor after a day of work you were looking?! Certainly could for it my ex-boss smelled pretty strongly of second hand smoke and! Bring the damn bottles in smell it at all throughout the day for a week and see how goes. Co-Worker to describe the smell and when she needed a ride anywhere or we werent in office! Op to further neutralize her scent her supervisor, you can use ) to someone who doesnt always do with. About including that amusing bit of trivia in my home hand smoke being.... You without you realizing it damn bottles in 's going to have pleasant!
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